Comments on: Does This Shoe Fit?

By: Lillian Patterson

Lillian Patterson — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 00:57:34 +0000

I know this is a thousand and million year old post, and I don’t want to dredge up the past (nor do I know exactly which post KH made that you’re referring to) but I have to say…thank you for this. She is one of those rare people who manage to make me disagree with ideas I would normally agree with simply because of how she words them. And you can’t question her, you can’t even agree with her using words she doesn’t like, because she’ll jump all over you in the comments, and then one of her Shapelings will agree, and then another, and another, and before you know it, they’re all dogpiling all over you. It’s a major turn off. I don’t understand why my well-educated and usually observant friends who follow KH don’t see her harmful, catty, downright nasty attitude. I’ve tried to broach the subject with them before, and they give me blank looks (or they trot out the old chestnut “well, she’s allowed to say what she thinks”) Yes, yes she is. But so am I, and that doesn’t stop you from disagreeing me, and I don’t delete every comment that disagrees with me, and I don’t respond in a condescending, degrading manner as though you are below me…how can you not see that this is how KH responds to people? It gets under my skin. I can’t read her posts for long without having to stop before I start breaking kneecaps. For all her followers rant about “Sanity Watchers” do they realize how many people can’t stand to read THEIR comments? For all they complain about being treated as though they are “less than” because of their size, do they even once consider how this pack mentality amounts to them doing the very same thing to others? Of course not. that would show personal growth, and personal growth is HARD, whereas cutting others down so we don’t have to consider their ideas is a lot easier. It’s just so rare that anyone deigns to speak out against anything she says that I was so grateful to find your post that I actually bookmarked it so that when I’m losing “Sanity Points” because of the latest hurtful, nasty thing KH has said, I can read it and remind myself that I’m not alone. Thank you for your words.

By: integgy

integgy — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:06:41 +0000

Tiana, My last comment was what I meant to say in my post, but due to being on somewhat of an annoyed rant at the time, it wasn’t a concept that was fully realized in the post itself.

By: Tiana

Tiana — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:50:41 +0000

I strongly agree with your last comment, and this has been bothering me since a few days before the post in question even appeared. I was arguing with both trolls and sensible opponents at the same time, which made me realize that certain bloggers can easily scare off possible future allies instead of accomplishing what they actually want to accomplish.

They may argue that it’s their blog and they can say whatever they want on it – which is true! – but in the end they’re still harming the movement. (OMG shock and horror, I used the phrase of doom!) This is not about freedom of speech, this is about taking into consideration who’s reading and adapting your tone accordingly.

By: Juliet

Juliet — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 18:13:30 +0000

This is one reason I have designed my blog as a “Body Acceptance” blog vs. Fat Acceptance. I find that there can be a very narrow mindset in the FA community.

Though I often side with those who blog and comment on Shapely Prose, I do not always… and I often feel like disagreeing with the status quo is unwelcome.

By: Limor

Limor — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:21:31 +0000

Your last comment, was the point that I was trying to make to SP. They, of course, ridiculed me etc., as they do to everyone who doesn’t goose step in line with them. I don’t expect to agree with anything that I read, but please don’t tell me that I have no right to my opinion if I want to be part of the movement. I’m just really disappointed by this whole mess.

By: integgy

integgy — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 21:54:40 +0000

Vesta, I get what you’re saying, I really do. I just happen to think, in part, that some of the more popular blogs, like Shapely Prose, need to be a bit more careful about what they say. The blogs that get a lot of hits, and get passed around a lot more are the kinds of blogs that draw people into the movement. If people are put off by the more extreme opinions of what is one of the most popular blogs in the movement, they might never want to investigate more into it, and just assume that everyone is like that. You may say, “well that’s not a person we want here”, but I say, it may be another voice we need here, one that has the possibility of adding further diversity. I think that first impressions are important, and as a blog that is much more visible than the rest of the fatsophere, I think it has a certain responsibility. I get that she has the right to write whatever she wants, just as all of us do, but I think with some, it’s not as advisable as with others.

By: vesta44

vesta44 — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:00:37 +0000

I read blogs from both feeds, agree with some of what is said on both, disagree with some of what is said on both. I will continue to read both feeds (and other blogs not on the feeds), and I will continue to post on my blog when something moves me enough. If people don’t agree with me, or don’t like what I have to say, that’s fine. There is no way in hell that the thousands of us in the FA/FR/SA movement can agree on everything all of the time, and it would be pretty boring if we did (not to mention, that not much progress would be made on anything). It’s the diversity, disagreements, and agreeing to disagree while working to advance our cause that gets things done. So, it helps to be stubborn enough to say that no one is going to run me out of a movement that I believe in, and that I think I have something to contribute to.
Write what you feel, and if people don’t like it, or don’t agree with it, that’s not your problem, it’s their problem (but maybe, even if they disagree, you’ve given them something to think about).

By: goodbyemyboy

goodbyemyboy — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 16:21:22 +0000

Thank you for this.

By: integgy

integgy — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 06:17:33 +0000

Yes. This is what has bugged me about the fatosphere for quite awhile. There is the constant recycling of the same ideas, and while it would be nice if everyone offered up a different opinion on these ideas, like they say they do, all we get is more of the same. The same opinions, on the same articles, one, after another, after another. I too, yearn for some individuality, and right now, I feel like there are a few souls in the Fatosphere who are personalities unto themselves, but far too few.

P.S. I totally commented on your entry before realizing you commented on mine. xD

By: Limor

Limor — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 05:50:06 +0000

As I said to Sarah, I’m right there with you. I’m sick of being seen as some sort of troll/hater/patriarcy believer, or whatever other label they want to slap on me. What about embracing our differences, and our individual opinions? Where is this tidal wave of conformity coming from? Seriously, what the hell is going on?